Thinking About a Prenup? Start Here - The Conversations You Should Have Before You Say “I Do.”

By Jeffrey N. Lowe, Esq.

The Penner Lowe Law Group, LLC

www.pennerlowe.com

When people hear “prenup,” they usually assume it means someone is planning for divorce before the marriage even starts.  In real life, that’s almost never how it works.

The best prenups (also known as premarital agreements) I see, and the ones that tend to hold up best both legally and emotionally, usually come from couples who simply want clarity.  They want to avoid misunderstandings about money, expectations, family assistance, business ownership, or what happens if life takes an unexpected turn.

While a well-drafted premarital agreement should address the two biggest “D” words most people will face in their lifetime, i.e. divorce and death, this article is primarily focused on how prenups function as planning tools in the event of divorce.  Estate planning, inheritance rights, beneficiary designations, and death-related provisions are incredibly important and should always be coordinated with a prenup, but those issues deserve their own dedicated discussion.  

For purposes of this blog, we’re going to focus on how premarital agreements help couples set expectations and create structure around property division, support, and financial decision-making if the marriage ends in divorce.  To that end, a prenup isn’t really about predicting divorce.  It’s about forcing two people to have financial and life conversations that many married couples wish they had earlier.

There are dozens of issues couples can address, but if you’re just starting to think about whether a premarital agreement makes sense, I usually tell people to begin by thinking through a few big-picture areas.

1. What Are You Each Bringing Into the Marriage — And What Should Happen to It Later?

This sounds obvious, but it’s where most agreements start and where many disputes later begin.

Every legally sound prenup requires financial disclosure ... or at least that is/should be the standard of practice in the event disclosure is not waived in whole or in part.  That means each person needs a clear list of assets, debts, values, income sources, and obligations.  But beyond any possible legal requirements, this is about transparency - marriage works best when there aren’t financial surprises.

From there, the real questions begin.  If one person uses premarital money to pay joint expenses, is that supposed to be reimbursed or treated as a gift?  If one spouse uses separate funds for a down payment on a home, does that create a separate interest later?  If premarital assets get mixed into joint accounts, does that change ownership?

These are not “right or wrong” answers, rather they’re expectation questions.  But they matter tremendously if the marriage ever ends.

2. How Do You Actually Plan to Handle Money During the Marriage?

Most couples don’t fight about money because of numbers.  They fight because of different philosophies.

Almost every couple has some version of a saver and a spender.  That can work perfectly well ... if it’s discussed openly.  The problems start when one person assumes something is “obvious” and the other person never agreed.

A good premarital agreement process forces couples to talk through practical realities.  Will you have joint accounts, separate accounts, or both?  Who handles bills?  Is there an expectation to talk before large purchases?  How aggressively do you want to save for retirement? How much debt is acceptable?

None of these are legal issues at their core.  They are relationship stability issues that happen to have legal consequences.

3. How Do You See Work, Children, and Career Sacrifice?

This is where prenups become less about money and more about fairness.  But let’s be clear about one important legal limitation up front — in Kansas, premarital agreements cannot control child custody or child support.  Those issues are determined at the time of a divorce based on the child’s best interests and statutory guidelines, and parties cannot contract around that in advance.

With that as a backdrop, many couples go into marriage expecting both spouses will work.  Then children arrive.  Or one person goes back to school.  Or someone changes careers.  Or health issues arise.  Life rarely follows the original plan is the point.

Premarital agreements can, however, address how those life changes are treated financially.  If one spouse steps out of the workforce to raise children, should that sacrifice be recognized later via spousal support and/or property division?  If one spouse supports the other through graduate or professional school, should that be considered if the marriage ends?  If one career requires relocation, how do you handle the financial impact of that decision?  This list goes on and on for couples.

These conversations can be uncomfortable for some couples, but they are incredibly important, and they are often where premarital agreements provide the most long-term value.

4. Do You Want to Address Spousal Support — Or Leave It to the Law?

Many people don’t realize that prenups can customize spousal support terms.  Some couples set limits.  Some create formulas.  Some waive it entirely.  Some decide not to address it at all.

There is no single “correct” approach.  But what matters is that both people understand expectations going in.  Spousal support disputes are often emotional because expectations were never clearly discussed in advance.

5. Are There Businesses, Family Money, or Outside Financial Pressures Involved?

In Kansas, and especially in my practice, this is a huge factor.

Business ownership raises unique issues.  Income can be structured in different ways.  Debt exposure can be complex.  Future business ventures may or may not be tied to premarital companies.

Family money can be just as complicated.  Is a down payment help from parents a gift or a loan?  If it’s a loan, who repays it?  If it’s a gift, is it meant for both spouses or just one?  So on, and so forth.

Clarity here protects not just the couple, but often extended family relationships as well.

6. Should the Agreement Last Forever — Or Change Over Time?

This is one of the most thoughtful conversations couples can have.

Some couples want agreements that last the entire marriage.  Others want “sunset” provisions that phase out protections after a certain number of years.  Some want automatic reviews after major life events like having children.

There isn’t a universal answer.  But it’s worth thinking about whether fairness looks different after 2 years of marriage versus 20.

One Thing I Tell Every Couple:  Don’t Wait Until the Wedding Is Close ... Please God ... I Beg You!

Last-minute prenups are where problems happen.

Good agreements take time.  Financial documents have to be gathered.  Both parties need independent legal advice.  Negotiations need to happen thoughtfully, not under pressure.

If you’re considering a prenup, starting early almost always leads to better outcomes, both legally and relationally.

The Reality Most People Don’t Expect.

The best premarital agreements don’t weaken marriages.  They usually strengthen them.

They force honest conversations about money, goals, family expectations, and risk tolerance.  And those are conversations every married couple eventually has, prenup or not.

The difference is whether you have them early, when you’re aligned and planning together, or later, when you’re already in conflict.

If you are considering a premarital agreement, or you’ve been asked to sign one, getting advice early gives you the most options and the most control over the outcome.

If you have questions about premarital agreements or want to talk through whether one makes sense for your situation, feel free to contact attorney Jeffrey N. Lowe at the Penner Lowe Law Group, LLC at 316-847-8847.

📞 Questions about prenuptial agreements in Kansas?

Contact attorney Jeffrey N. Lowe and the Family Law team at the Penner Lowe Law Group, LLC 316-847-8847 | www.pennerlowe.com